I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
