i don't like sucking hair
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
