you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
