it's too hot outside to masturbate.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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