she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
