You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
