Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
