i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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