I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
