u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius