girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD