she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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