She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."