I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
