Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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