I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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