i just sent this text using only my big toe
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
be right there i have to get my cape
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
