i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
