If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
