grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
