Porn is love you can see.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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