If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
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