How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
She needs sedatives and a leash
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Bring me that man meat
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
