just tell him i said nine months
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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