Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
