i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
