im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
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She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
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he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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