Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
