My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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