Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
he fucked my hip out of place.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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