I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Randomize
