party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
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