I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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