we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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