i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
