my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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