his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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