We won't sleep together?
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
