just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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