My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
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