The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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