You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
