we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize