that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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