u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
