I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize