So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
