So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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