I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
he puts the penis in happiness.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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