I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Randomize
