So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
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