You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
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