I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Randomize
