Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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