just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
