5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
How drunk are you?
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