are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
