For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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