So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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