Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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