He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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