if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
