There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Randomize
