there's paper in my vomit.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
