It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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