So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Randomize
