She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
