Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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