it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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